Saturday, December 13, 2008

A Found Harmonium

I drifted between waking and dreaming...

they were mostly the same...

There is an old saying, Chinese in origin I think, that one who sighs longs for something they do not have. I let out a slow sigh and tried to relax...It seemed to me, in that odd and wonderful moment, that life sometimes has a soundtrack... theme music for your revolution. No actual music required... It follows your cadence and the orchestra watches for your direction. I heard those same notes this night but they felt different to me now. They had the usual character but there was something behind them that was not there before. Then I heard something I hadn't in a long time. It was hope. And hope laid down next to me there as I journeyed to dreaming. The music grew tense, the danger of chaos is never far off, but without that the resolution would be meaningless, and all the while I heard


and the music filled my was the soundtrack to my revolution. I had spent so long looking for happiness I hadn’t noticed that some of the notes were already there. I had forgotten that it is not merely happiness we require it is peace. Peace of mind, of soul, of body, of conscience, of desire and of love. True happiness carries with it its own peace but often you must make your own, the wars we fight are mostly against ourselves. But suddenly it seemed that maybe I would have both. I lay there, listening to the Penguin Cafe, staring at the shadows cast by the textured ceiling. The smile that had spread across my lips wouldn’t budge. Then as old emotions dared to show again, the plaque of years of jaded anger and fear began to break loose. Like a vine slowly growing its way through concrete something was freed again, and I sighed in relief.

Then hope sighed too, and I knew everything would be fine.

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