The masks we wear become so natural we almost forget the faces underneath them.
how many times do you actually have a conversation with someone?
a real conversation is about the way people feel, the things they want, need, avoid or hate. a real conversation isnt a recap of the things you did during the day...thats a summary. a real conversation isnt an ideological debate about the beliefs you hold, there is nothing wrong with a debate as thats how we learn about the subjects we are discussing but its still not a conversation. a conversation is never a place where you begin with a goal in mind, it is an exploration into unknown territory, places unexplored by you or the person you're speaking with. I've realized that rarely if ever do our "conversations" stray into this territory. when I was younger it was easiest for me to just be the person my parents wanted while i was in front of them. its only natural, every kid keeps things from their parents, but when i got older the same continued. it was easier for me to be the person my friends were entertained by then actually be who i was. its easier to be the guy the girl wants rather than deal with the possible consequences of being yourself. at some point, there is a new face for every person you meet, another mask to take on at every turn...sooner or later, you are bound to forget which face was actually yours...you spend so much time wearing the mask that the face underneath doesnt even feel like your own anymore.
its time for me to change alot of things in my life and this is only a small piece. ive given up holding the masks, trying to keep the many versions straight and keeping them convincing is incredibly difficult but most importantly the denial of your true self is a poison that will slowly creep through your body. it will infect your mind and rot your heart...drive you to madness and lock you in insanity.
i know i am not alone, we are brought up in a world where we are tought not to say what we truly think. be polite, dont complain, its not nice to talk about yourself...how many times have you answered "fine" to the question "how are you?" when you were nothing but? even people in a doctors office answer similarly when obviously it is not true, if it were they would have no need to be there. it is not our fault that we are so eager to deny what we think and feel, it is a consequence of our society.
so i suggest a swift change. put down the mask and try putting on your own face for once. it may not be easy, it may not be pretty and it will almost assuredly be uncomfortable but it will eventually make you happier. tell someone what you want, let someone know how you feel, be yourself...show a frown if it is what you feel and eventually you will want to show a smile. for your own sake, take off the masks, burn them until you do not even remember what they looked like, let your own face become your permanent mask and take a few steps in the real world.
"start saying what you mean to say
all your worries gunna run away
start saying what you mean today"
-Bela Fleck and the Flecktones